A Yelp Review


I give this post 1.5 stars. No where is there any mention of side boob.

Living in a society that allows individuals the right to express themselves is something our country’s founders felt was inalienable. One thing that the internet has provided the masses is a chance to express their opinions, thoughts and beliefs.  On it’s face the concept of providing a platform for everyone to share their voice is a positive thing.  In the virtual world of the internet both the like minded and ideologically divided can come together and engage in debates freely and without fear of reprisal from those with opposing viewpoints.

As I previously mentioned, on the surface this is a good thing.  However, as inherent as the likes of Jefferson and Franklin believed free expression as a good thing, I have to say I am not so certain.  It is one thing to debate politics across the ether of the internets in hopes of convincing your ideological counterpart to change their mind, but where I draw the line is when it is no longer debating but simply commenting on something for the sake of being able to re-read the words you wrote in some sort of publication.

What could I be talking about?  Simple, yelp.  This website represents everything that I feel is wrong with giving everyone a voice.  If you are not familiar with yelp.com feel free to give it a go and read some user reviews about service-based businesses across the globe.  Looking for a quiet place to grab a cocktail in Lisbon, check yelp.  Are you dying for some great seafood and you live in Des Moines, Iowa?  Go ape shit all over yelp because apparently there are folks in Des Moines that feel that Waterfront Seafood Market Restaurant in West Des Moines is the shit.  Don’t believe me, google that shit because at least one individual there believes that the CLAM chowder and coconut SHRIMP is fantastic.  Why the CAPS?  Maybe it is because I have difficulty believing clams and shrimp being served in a land locked state such as Iowa are all that fresh.

Is that a fair assumption of mine?  Probably not.  My beef with yelp is not with the service it provides but rather the douche bags that use it to make comments about restaurants and services.  If you disagree, that’s fine; but the next time you decide to take a look at what yelp has to say about a particular establishment before you go, please take some extra time to read as many reviews as you can for said business.  Once you do this, I fully believe that you will agree with my position and say that allowing everyone’s voice is not exactly the inalienable right that Jefferson and company were thinking about while writing the Declaration of Independence or the Bill of Rights.

Seriously, just because someone has an opinion does not mean that it is well rounded or grounded in any sort of knowledge regarding the field for which an individual opines.  Granted, I realize that the post is entirely of my own opinion and that fact could be used to discount the entire post.  Having said that, here are some actual yelp reviews for a variety of establishments across Washington DC.

Susan S. from Takoma Park, MD had this to say about McDonalds…McDonalds.
“Yes, it’s a McDonalds, but this location is particularly bad. Dirty. Cold food. Surly service. Screaming behind the counter while ignoring customers.”  Again, Mcdonalds. 1 star out of five.

DR from Washington DC commented on Archibalds, a strip club.
“After a heavy night of drinking, my buddy from Richmond and I took sight at some of the nakedness dc has to offer. The food is actually pretty good, if you are looking to blow money on a $9 frenchdip sub with chips. Classiest meal there was an order of chicken wings. You can’t beat the entertainment though. I prefer to pay a bit extra every once in a while to eat good bar food and have nice eye candy. Instead of the usual bar entertainment.
The music sucks. if you are to strip while blasting marylin manson’s cover of sweet dreams through the speakers, thats’ either genius or pure bad taste.
I still go back there though. I don’t really mind the music that much, its’ always great to space out and look at tits”  – 2 stars.

Chicory C. of Alexandria had this to say about The Leather Rack, apparently a store that tends to the needs of consenting adults.  Nevertheless.
“I went there to buy a riding crop & they didn’t even have one!  I found a limited selection,  I would find a better use & density to market merchandise.” – 1 Star.

Really people, are these opinions and reviews really that thought provoking?  I don’t get it.  One thing is for sure, according to these three individuals I can count on cold food at Mcdonalds, average food at a strip club and an adult store bereft of riding crops.  Seriously Chicory C gave the Leather Rack one star because they didn’t have riding crops.  It wasn’t due to them selling shoddy merchandise or a rude sales person, it was because Chicory C couldn’t get his/her whip on that night.  That, if anything, should be reason enough to rate a store poorly.  I know I certainly rate all of my stores based on their selection of riding crops.  Target – zero whips = ZERO stars!  HourEyes Optical – zero whips = ZERO stars! Old Fort Western Store – whips galore = 5000 stars!!!


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