Pass Me the Mic

Being a contributor to a blog that has a primary focus on music, it can be intimidating for me to step into the arena to discuss music from a non-musician’s standpoint. Any notion I had of being a musician was completely disabused in grade school after my third grade teacher took away my triangle and told me that perhaps my talents would be better suited for handing out the programs to the school pageant rather than performing in it. Looking back it was probably for the best. I have the neither the skills nor patience (read rhythm) to play a musical instrument so why try to force the matter from such a young age. It didn’t matter if I couldn’t strum to a time measure because I could sure as shit distribute leaflets littered with the names of other kids that could keep a beat.

Over the years I was able to reconcile with the truth and face the fact that I will never be a musician. To be perfectly honest, I am 100% OK with that. You see, to me music is very much like magic and I loves me some magic. Now I am not referring to made up magic like dragons and ferries and shit like that but magic that one might catch at a show at a casino on the strip in Vegas. Show me a card trick and I will probably be stupefied by your skills of slight-of-hand. The only problem I have with magic tricks is that I want to know how they are done so I will take to the youtubes and watch people perform a trick over and over again until I think I grasp  the basics of how the tricks was executed. This repeated viewing comes with an expense as once I understand the trick I become less fascinated in the trick and to a greater extent all illusions as a whole. If I were to study magic I truly believe that I would lose most of my interest because as it stands my fascination stems from not knowing.

The example of magic is one of the primary reasons I love music. I have sat in numerous conversations with musicians as they discussed things like ‘bridges’ and ‘breakdowns’ and all I can do is nod my head and wonder ‘what the fu…’ To me, not knowing how a piece of music is created is the same as fucking card trick. I feel like if I know how it’s done it will lose its luster. What I am saying, sometimes not knowing is awesome. Do I really want to know how Beck comes up with his compositions? How Radiohead decides on the arrangements of their synth sounds?  What was Hendrix thinking when he would sneak in extra notes in a solo? Do I want to know the answers to these questions? Hell yes and at the same time, never in a million years. In a way magic and music are the same things to me, both are mystifying and extremely fascinating.

However, on that note…

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A Music Confession

A few months ago Bums Logic’s own Todd Levinson Frank converted ownership of a wide collection of albums from various recording artists to me. My first confession: despite the fact that TLF had passed the music onto me months ago, it was only recently that I loaded the music on my iPod. While most people are quick to add new music to their libraries, for some reason it took me a few months to get around to it. On a side note, this is something that TLF knows about me all too well, as he once suggested a list of people to follow on twitter that I still have yet to ‘follow’ but I digress.

I added this image in the hopes that you would read it and thus taking up at least five seconds of your time. Thanks for reading.

The list of artists in the collection that Todd provided is rather expansive and that stands as one of the reasons that I delayed the full addition to my music library. My point: if I were to add all of them at once, it is unlikely that any of the artists would be given the undivided attention that they deserve. Bands pour so much time and effort into their recordings and giving their work only a simple cursory listen is nearly equal to a slap in the face. Think about it. Suppose you spent time on a project of any particular discipline wouldn’t you be a bit put off if everyone simply provided it a perfunctory amount of their attention? I know I would.

I can imagine that many of you are thinking, ‘Wow, that is some confession. I hope you feel better after alleviating such a huge burden.’ Well as I stated earlier, that was my first confession.  You see there is more.

Thanks a Bunch Bin Laden

Warning, this is long. If you only have the tolerance to read 140 characters or less you may want to skip to the end where you will find the TL;DR.

In the interest of self improvement I recently decided to take a digital photography course.  For the last ten weeks I have been learning the ins-and-outs of digital photography. While I have always had an interest in photography and picture taking I wanted to learn more about using a camera. More specifically I have wanted to make the jump from shooting on iAuto mode to shooting in the ever intimidating Manual mode. Just a few short weeks into the class, I was already more comfortable with shooting in Manual mode, so much so that my camera is never on any other setting, ever.

What are you taking a picture of there?

One of the fun aspects of the course has been shooting weekly assignments. Every week the instructor would give assignments and each of the students were left to their own devices to fulfill the requirements. First assignment, we shot flowers. The flower assignment was easy enough. How could it be difficult, shoot some flowers and share them with the class. Next up, portraits. Again, cake assignment. Snap some pictures of people’s faces. Boom, boom, boom. Done. After finishing up the first few weeks of the course I felt pretty confident in my abilities as an amateur photog. Give me a concept to shoot and I am creative enough to come up with something that will both fulfill the assignment and give it a certain flair to make it my own.

All was well as I made my way through the course work and then came the ‘Urban/Landscape’ assignment. Undaunted by the challenge I set out to capture some images that consisted of my take on ‘Urban/Landscape.’ How difficult do you think it could be? Shoot some pictures of buildings, water fountains, city parks and the homework is done. Right?

My Next Arena

Die hard fans of Bums Logic know that I am awesome.

I have already stunned the world with my kick ass graphic design skills.  Avid fans have proven that my video stardom is nearly unparalleled with more than 20 views of my astounding display of  badassery.

Many fans have to be wondering, what’s next?  In what other ways can the amazing JrWorthy42 amaze with his seemingly boundless talents?

One that note, I present to you what is sure to be a hit in clubs, bars and bodegas across the globe – my very first pop sensation, ‘It Burns’.

My Brush with Death, A PSA for All of You

So far, today has been interesting. Just to catch you up to speed, the furnace in my apartment has been having trouble with the pilot light in that it won’t stay lit. As a favor to my landlord I offered to work from home today and let the repairman into my place and so he complete the repair.

When he arrived I showed him the furnace and told him that I think the thermal coupler was probably the culprit. After offering my analysis regarding the cause of the furnace’s state of disrepair I was quick to tell him that he shouldn’t take my word for it since all of the knowledge I possess  regarding boilers can fit on one side of a cocktail napkin.  James, the repair man, gave a couple of attempts at lighting the pilot light and low and behold my diagnosis of the problem turned out to be correct.  I love it when I sound handymanly.

The Jersey Shore is Bad?

Please don’t ask questions about why but last night I watched an episode of The Rachel Zoe Project. First let me say, God bless Rachel Zoe for having a job that pays her to dress other people in other people’s clothes. I do not begrudge her one bit for how she makes a living. If there are people out there that are willing to pay other people to dress them in other people’s clothes then I am not going to try to discredit the people that the people pay to dress them in other people’s clothes. Had I known that such a job ever existed whilst I was busy ‘studying’ in college then I might have considered exploring that career path.

People only pay me to put video on the web. I should have tried a hand at dressing people in designer clothes and have them pay me to do it like Rachel Zoe.

With that said, I can’t believe there is a television show that is dedicated to stylist such as Rachel Zoe. Again, I am not discounting Zoe’s profession. There apparently exists a market for people to have their fashion choices made by other people. Mouth agape, who knew? I am getting sidetracked, the episode I watched last night centered around Zoe’s work with actress Anne Hathaway. Hathaway was to host the Academy awards and it was Zoe’s task to provide her with multiple outfits because God knows that one should never host the Oscars without multiple wardrobe changes.

During the episode much of the teleplay led up to the big night with the show’s climax of Zoe and her team gathered together to watch the Academy Awards broadcast so that they could all congratulate each other, and most importantly Zoe, on just how great Hathaway looked in other people’s clothes. All in all it seems like a job well done. Hathaway certainly looked stunning in each of the outfits picked by Zoe and her team.  However, I think Anne would look great wearing little to nothing at all.  Don’t believe me? Maybe you should watch this sometime.

The real rub…

Just a Dream

Last night in my deep slumber I had a simple yet strange dream.  In my dream I found myself in the year 1974 at the age I am now. All in all things weren’t too bad.  Despite the fact that I had no internet or cable TV, I was able to function just fine.  Can you believe that?

It wasn’t until I wanted to listen to some in dream tunes that I realized that there was a problem.  Seeing how I was in 1974 my ipod was years away from even being a fathomable concept, I was at a loss.  In my dream I began to lament the fact that it would be decades before I could listen to some of my favorite music that is just a few clicks away in my conscious world.

Radiohead, the Black Keys, Cee-lo Green, Jackie and the Treehorns, Adele (yes, I admit it.  The sassy Brit has soul), and the like wouldn’t be recording for years to come.  What could I do? Then it hit me.  Being in 1974 didn’t mean I would have to suffer.  Not in the least bit.  In my dream I tried to remember who exactly would I want to listen to in 1974.

Just a Quick Post

I rarely wax poetic about politics on Bums Logic but for an instance as grand as the news today I will make an exception.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell died today.  That is a good thing.

The biggest example of why this is a good thing: Imagine being gay and your partner is serving in combat operations oversees when the unthinkable happens and they are  killed in action.  Under the old rules you would never be officially notified.  Ever.

If you oppose the ban being overturned, think about that for a while.

Need Cash?

I recently returned from some much needed R&R taken on the sandy beaches of the Florida gulf coast.

The trip was amazing.  The water was clear and warm while the beach was clean and not crowded in the least bit.  I got to lay around and really enjoy some time away from my work and home life.

Given that I was on vacation I went ahead and spent some money on things that I probably would usually not.  For the first time ever I rented a wave runner, which to be perfectly honest, was a little scary at times.  Zipping along at +40 MPH can make you think that should you be thrown from the vehicle, even though you are going to land on water, the shit is going to hurt.  Nevertheless, I pressed on and had a field day out there on the open water tearing it up.

On top of the wave running adventure I took in the fun past time of mini-golf.  I also spent some time in a rather large human maze which while somewhat fun I was ready to be out of that thing after about 15 minutes.  Additionally on my trip I ate well.  I am an ardent believer that the solid cornerstone of vacation travel is fantastic dining.  Without good meals on your journeys, you might as well have stayed at home.

It wasn’t until I got home that I realized that all of the fun activities I enjoyed came with a price tag.  Sure zipping around the maze on a wave runner while eating a waygu steak and cheese was the tits, it is also a little costly. Thankfully I am gainfully employed as a contributor for Bums Logic so I could easily afford my vacation luxuries without having to duck my landlord with the rent for the month.

Having the money to go on vacation is great but still, wouldn’t it be great to have some additional money to help finance my adventures? Sure a Holiday Inn is comfortable enough but aren’t the 1000 count sheets and jacuzzi tub in the Omni properties just a little more comfortable? Amirite?

So after looking at my bank balance and considering my income I thought about ways in which I could supplement my cash flow.  After a long Sunday of watching some professional football I have come up with a fail safe plan that I am willing to share with all of you.

People Asked, I Answered

Since I have been writing for Bums Logic the administrators have been inundated with letters and emails from readers of the blog that have been addressed to yours truly, JrWorthy42. At the behest of my editors I have done my best to personally reply to each and everyone of them.

You asked, I answered. It is the least I could do.

However, given the immense volume of messages that are sent to me I am not able to always reply in a timely manner. If you are one of the many folks that have taken the time to write in with questions for me, please know that I am doing my best to ensure that you receive a personal reply.  If it is the case that you do not hear from me personally it probably has to do with the fact that I get creeped out by some of you from time to time.  In those cases perhaps it is best that you take it personally because it is you and not me.

To the guy that requested a clean pair of my underwear, why? If there is one way to make me feel uncomfortable asking for a pair of my freshly washed boxer briefs will get you sent to the front of the line for those that will never have their request met. I mean, a clean pair?  Weird.

While I do my best to respond to every message I thought that answering some of the messages here on the blog would be a real treat not only for those who wrote but for every reader and fan.  So without further ado,

Precious

In the past I have shared with you my amazing athletic skills and sheer physical gifts.  Today I wish to share with you my, shall we say, more sensitive side.  Yeah that’s right ladies and gentlemen, not only do I rival the Greek god Hermes in the sporting arena but I am also blessed to be graced with an eye for the arts just like his half brother Apollo.

Here now, on this magnificent blog, I present to you an example of my unparalleled graphic design skills.  Be prepared to behold artistry the likes of which you have never seen before.

Warning to those of you that do not deal with disappointment well for if you view the image after the jump you may wish to have your eyes gouged out so that you will not have to ever see anything ever again because you know that nothing could live up to its certain and understated greatness.

A Monday Quiz

In the interest of getting to know the readers of Bums Logic I submit to you our first ever poll.  Please answer the question below and if you would like to expand on your answer please do  so in the comments section.

After last weekend I sure know which one I prefer.

A Complete and Total Fantasy

I can't wait to play me some fantasy.

Given the onslaught of NFL updates here on BL I figure  it wouldn’t be complete without giving mention to a relatively new pastime that accompanies every professional football season. Yeah that’s right, it’s fantasy football time. If you haven’t heard of fantasy football all I can tell you is that you need to leave the house more. The shit is real and it is here to stay.

Now is the time when folks gather together, whether virtual or actual, and conduct their annual fantasy football  ‘draft’. While I want to say that this activity is partaken by only men the fact is, that couldn’t be further from the truth.  Men and women both young and old ‘play’ fantasy football. There are entire websites as well as radio broadcasts and television programs dedicated to fantasy football. The folks that are fantasy football fanatics want to be sure that they get the best insider’s take on which players they should take in order to secure the strongest team so at the end of the season they can claim victory in their fantasy football league.

The only problem I have with fantasy football…

NFL Preview: Bitter Bills Fan

Here comes the NFL, but over the years I turned into more of a college fan, because, well, I’m a Bills fan…

Can you blame me?

In order to avoid litigation I have made my own helmet design for the professional football team located in Buffalo, NY.

As a Bills fan I have experienced nothing but disappointment. Even the most casual football fan knows about Super Bowl XXV and ‘wide right.’ Many will say that has to be the pinnacle of the disappointment.  Of course those same folk can point to the fact that the Bills were an 8 point favorite in the game and should have very well beaten the Giants that evening without the help of Scott Norwood’s foot needed to kick a 47 yard field goal to win.  After the game people were calling for his head for missing a FOURTY SEVEN yard field goal.  Never mind that at that distance the percentage of all field goal kickers is less than 50%.  To blame Norwood for the loss is disingenuous.

Scott Norwood is certainly not to blame for the next THREE Super Bowl losses the Bills endured.  Are you kidding me?  Four losses in a row?  Again, even the most casual football fan knows that number.  At least Bills have company with Vikings fans.

Yes four consecutive Super Bowl losses hurt.  But do you know what hurts even more? Poor officiating.  Allow me set the stage for you.

Friday From the Vault (A Re-post)

Contributor’s note: Below is a story I posted many years ago on another long forgotten blog.  Despite the fact that some of the story is dated, I am re-posting it here on Bums Logic because I think the world needs to see it again.  Think of it like a movie you catch on late night TV on one of those sleepless nights where you find yourself on the couch instead of tossing and turning in bed.  You might have never thought about watching the movie before but since you can’t sleep you figure, “Why not?”  The only difference here is that instead of watching a movie you are reading a blog post.  Oh and instead of on your couch not being able to sleep, you are at work sitting at your desk and not doing any actual ‘work.’

Without further ado, I present to you:

Make it Rain

So I got separated and I am heading toward the inevitable division of assets. Again, not the first and surely not the last, right? After fighting the good one, eventually it was time to throw the hands up and be done with it.

She slammed dunked my heart. I needed to rebound.

What next? Well after going through the whole “I am never going to find anyone else” woe is me crap, you eventually have to stand up and dust yourself off. All of my friends encouraged me to get back out there and give it a shot. And so I did, I got the courage to ask a girl out. Written below is a partial account of evening details.

*What you are about to read is completely one hundred percent true, I swear.

Why I Don’t Pirate Music

I don’t pirate music because it would make me feel like an asshole.  Plain and simple.  Sure I could use a program like Bit Torrent and download the latest Beyonce album for free but I have to ask myself “Why?”  Why would I do it? Because it is free?  Come on man, turn down that noise.

I’m a grown up and I have a job.  Being gainfully employed comes with the benefit of steady income.  By no means am I raking in the mad dollars but I certainly make enough money to be comfortable in my current lifestyle.  Do I have a phat crib and a sweet ride?  No. I think much of that has to do with the fact that I don’t really desire such things at this point in my life.

Bit Torrent: All of the cool kids are doing it.

What I can afford and what I do want in my life is the occasional new album from <<insert artist’s name here>> and yes I am willing to pay for it. I don’t really care if I am helping make some Record Exec’s bonus higher or if I am helping pay for <<insert artist’s name here>> next heroin fix. If I can afford to pay, then I pay. If I can’t afford new music then I have to do without.

Now I understand the illegal download thing.  If you are a super huge fan of an artist and you already own a majority if not all of their catalog then you might be interested in acquiring a copy of some of their live performances.  I mean who doesn’t love Springsteen at Madison Square Garden in ’82?  Fans will download live albums because they want to hear the performances of their favorite bands despite the fact that it was recorded in the back of the venue using five Sennheiser shotgun booms using a flux impeding STK 5000 pocket condenser and sounds like shit.  Hey, who am I to judge because you are a true fan?  Killer, dude.

Or do I understand?

They Weren’t Lying

So many years ago when I was in Junior High School Health class the curriculum would occasionally touch on  the dangers of illegal drug use. The teachers would warn us not only about the evils involved with drug use but also the terribly awful side effects.

Regardless of the illicit drug being discussed, the teaching was centered around fear.  “Use drugs and you will die!!!” The fear tactics included showing us educational films that would tell the story of the time little Jimmy was pressured into popping one quaalude and jumped off a building because “he could fly” or another one that showed innocent Lucy going from captain of the cheer leading squad to a strung out junkie trading her body on the corner all because of smoking a marijuana cigarette.

It wasn't for love. No, she slept around for the reefer.

The real kicker came in 1986 with the death of college basketball star Len Bias.  His early passing was all that the anti drug movement needed.  At the time is was reported that Bias had died of a cardiac arrhythmia as a result of cocaine use. Reports also indicated that is was the first and only time that the basketball star had ever  used cocaine.  After that the drum beat got louder but the mantra being chanted was still the same, “Use drugs and you will die!!!”

I have to admit, as a kid the Len Bias thing did shake me and made me think.  After all, the news shows on the TV all said he died from doing coke just one time. Just once! Maybe the teachers at school were right and drugs were a bad thing never to be used unless you want to wind up like Jimmy, Lucy or Len.

Sheer Athletic Prowess

Behold this shit!  People try to act like I got no game when it comes to some motherfuckin’ round ball. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

In an effort to shut the mouths of all the naysayers I am putting this display of basketball greatness on the internets for the world to see.  Yeah that’s right, I am taking this shit global son!  Let all of the doubters be told the truth through motherfuckin’ ones and zeros.

I present to you…

A Yelp Review

I give this post 1.5 stars. No where is there any mention of side boob.

Living in a society that allows individuals the right to express themselves is something our country’s founders felt was inalienable. One thing that the internet has provided the masses is a chance to express their opinions, thoughts and beliefs.  On it’s face the concept of providing a platform for everyone to share their voice is a positive thing.  In the virtual world of the internet both the like minded and ideologically divided can come together and engage in debates freely and without fear of reprisal from those with opposing viewpoints.

As I previously mentioned, on the surface this is a good thing.  However, as inherent as the likes of Jefferson and Franklin believed free expression as a good thing, I have to say I am not so certain.  It is one thing to debate politics across the ether of the internets in hopes of convincing your ideological counterpart to change their mind, but where I draw the line is when it is no longer debating but simply commenting on something for the sake of being able to re-read the words you wrote in some sort of publication.

What could I be talking about?  Simple, yelp.  This website represents everything that I feel is wrong with giving everyone a voice.  If you are not familiar with yelp.com feel free to give it a go and read some user reviews about service-based businesses across the globe.  Looking for a quiet place to grab a cocktail in Lisbon, check yelp.  Are you dying for some great seafood and you live in Des Moines, Iowa?  Go ape shit all over yelp because apparently there are folks in Des Moines that feel that Waterfront Seafood Market Restaurant in West Des Moines is the shit.  Don’t believe me, google that shit because at least one individual there believes that the CLAM chowder and coconut SHRIMP is fantastic.  Why the CAPS?  Maybe it is because I have difficulty believing clams and shrimp being served in a land locked state such as Iowa are all that fresh.

Just for Men

So the other day I was taking a nice long relaxing shower after a morning bike ride.  Given that it was a Saturday I had all of the time in the world to make sure every nook and cranny of my body gets nice and clean.  During the week I tend to sleep too late so my morning showers hit what I refer to as the ‘hot spots.’  While I do my best to give every body part a good scrub, it is the hair, face, underarms, crotch, backside, and feet get most of the attention.

I figured it was a good time to give the entire body a nice good scrub so  I broke out the long handled brush to give the back a thorough once over.  Using the loofah, I worked up a good lather and made sure that all of the little piggies got a comprehensive cleaning.  After everything was nice and tidy and the hot water was still plentiful I decided to give my man parts the nice, soft, tender and ‘relaxing’ attention they deserve.  Besides, I was in the shower.  No messy clean up needed after the boys are nice and clean.

After a few minutes of ‘washing’ I took a look down just to make sure that the entirety of the area was adequately lathered up.  What I saw next…I wasn’t prepared for…

Looking down I saw it.  At first I thought that is was just some sort of fuzz that I had perhaps missed but with not one but two solid and thorough ‘cleanings’ there was no way that any foreign object could still be clung to any part of my body especially there.  In the initial shock I dropped the loofah and I bent over for closer inspection.

As I bent over my eyes were straining to stay open as the water from the shower kept flowing around my contorted body.  After wiping the water away from my eyes I was finally able to get a clear view.  There it was staring right back at me.  Though my manscaping efforts are fairly routine, it seems that in my last mission of forest clearing I had missed something.