Not So Much a Review – Bad Teacher

So last night I went to see Bad Teacher and overall I have to say I give it a “thumbs up.”  The story, while certainly not the strongest point of the film, certainly doesn’t cause any harm.  Walking out of the theater I thought about what I just watched and while nothing about the plot really stood out as amazing story telling I still liked it and I think any reasonable person that isn’t too high brow would enjoy it as well.

Face it, she's hot.

One spot where the movie really shines, Cameron Diaz.  For the life of me I can’t think of why so many people hate on her so much.  If you ask me about Ms. Diaz all I can say is “Yes Please and Thank You!”  Addressing the haters out there, what is there to not like about her?  First of all she is funny as shit.  Can you name another comedic actress working in film that is as consistently funny as her?  Sure maybe, but are they as hot as Cameron Diaz?  Oh, so you don’t think she is that attractive huh?  Well, can you think of another actress that has ever uttered a phrase even remotely as hot and naughty as ‘Honey I am going to suck your dick like I’m mad at it’?  Well?

The entire cast gives good performances and that includes that kid from N’Sync.  Although I hate to admit it, JT is a pretty talented performer.  Those days at Disney in his early years are really paying off.  Another strong performance that can only be discounted due to limited screen time is that of Jason Segal.  That dude is a freakin comedic acting wizard.  I am glad to say that I will enjoy watching his career path over the years to come.  The guy has a shit ton of talent and I would rate his career as a strong buy (not exactly a weak limb I’m stepping out on here.)  If you don’t watch How I Met Your Mother or have never seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall do yourself a favor quit your job and get that shit from Netflix.  While you will still be unemployed after watching all of those disc at least you will have laughed a hell of a lot before you have to start your job search.

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Why Toy Story Matters

In the first Toy Story movie, we meet Woody, the Tom Hanks-voiced cowboy who’s concerned about being replaced by a shiny new space toy. Then we are introduced to said shiny new space toy Buzz Lightyear, and he slowly realizes that he’s not a real space ranger, but just a toy.

Self-esteem issues and jealousy? Coming to grips with the limitations of reality? Is this any way to launch a kids-movie franchise? I guess so, judging by its success.

Toy Story (and its subsequent sequels) did what most movies aspire to do: inspire children, keep the attention of adults, and somehow really entertain both groups simultaneously (and make loads of money at the box office and with product tie-ins). While bringing toys to life (in often creative and hilarious fashion), it also did something else: it examined not just what we play with, but how we play.

By focusing on how we play, we learn about how we think and the limitless possibilities of imagination. Pretty lofty stuff for a cartoon.

About the Grading Scale

As I previously mentioned in Making the Grade, over the years I have come up with a grading system when it comes to rating a ‘Teen Comedy.’  Essentially the system is a simple method of providing review in such a manner that no words could be lifted and taken out of context in any manner.

Without the side boob this movie is an F for failure.

For example, When I say the movie ‘Clueless’ is an A+ any reasonable person, familiar with traditional grading scales used throughout the vast majority of US education systems, could easily deduce that I do in fact think it is a quality movie.  On the other hand, saying something like “Hayden Panettiere delivers an unbelievable, less than riveting, poor porformance,” in reference to the less than average film I Love You,  Beth Cooper could lead to someone simply carefully lifting certain words to say  ‘Hayden Panettiere delivers”…JrWorthy, Bums Logic.

My point is there is no way anyone could spin my grade of ‘D’ for I Love You,  Beth Cooper.  The only reason it doesn’t totally fail is the split second shot of Hayden’s side boob.  Sure she is small and looks like a little kid but she is legal.

Making the Grade

Alicia Silverstone, Stacey Dash and Brittany Murphy. Who wouldn't?

Everyone has their personal favorite film genre.  Bums Logic’s own Jaded Bitterman will be the first to tell you about his love of all things horror.  If it involves some young teens finding themselves in a secluded area with nothing to do but drink and fuck whilst unbeknownst to them a homicidal maniac lurks in the shadows waiting to disembowel them, the you can be rest assured JB loves it.

I, on the other hand, prefer a different genre that involves teens and that is a category I refer to simply as the Teen Comedy.  There is something about the genre that just gets my insides all wrapped up and excited.  I guess it is the 14-year-old girl who lives inside of me that can’t get enough of the angst and hi-jinks of life in simpler times when all I had to worry about was how are we going to get alcohol and where can we drink it without getting caught.  At the very least we threw caution to the wind in regard to the impending bludgeoning at the hands of the aforementioned homicidal maniac lurking in the bushes the moment we decided to reach up her shirt and touch a boob.  Thought bubble, “Now that I am up her shirt do I try to unhook her bra or just try to slide my hand under the cup but over the wire?” Ah, good times.

“Our Time” at Fast Times at Ridgemont High

In 1982 I was 9 years old. Way too young to truly understand the meanderings of stoned high school kids. It would be many years before I understood lines such as “when a guy has an orgasm how much comes out?” and “all I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine.” I mean, I knew what waves were.

I don’t need to go into the history or backstory of this movie because if you haven’t seen it already, well, then you must hate America and probably don’t support the troops! Let me go out on a limb here and say, at least in my humble opinion, this is the single best high school comedy of all time. I said it: all time. There are plenty of other worthy comedies about teenage escapades but none is as close to my heart as Fast Times is. I have seen the movie a thousand times if I have seen it once. I think Sean Penn should get a retroactive Oscar for his portrayal of stoner/surfer Jeff Spicoli (“doesn’t this stuff give you brain damage?”).