According to a recent study, most hipsters still don’t like sports. A whopping 89% of guys in skinny jeans who think they are infinitely cooler than you referred to sports as “stupid.”
The survey, conducted in a semi-chic but low key and authentic pub in the artsy warehouse district of Williamsburg, NY, found that most hipsters never watch sports on TV and that 23% of the respondents claimed to not even have a TV. Overwhelmingly, “None” was chosen as the most common favorite team.
“I just never got into sports,” said one really pale and frail guy who probably gave up on sports after his first bloody nose in 2nd grade.
Another hipster who asked us not to use his name “cuz I don’t care about the notoriety,” said that “sports and all the people talking about it are just a scam to trick you into thinking you like an inferior product” as he sipped on a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.
His aloof friend, who had ridiculous sideburns, gaudy oversized sunglasses, and an intentionally horrific orange button-down shirt on, added that “sitting around watching sports just seems like a waste of time,” and then wandered off to discuss the intricacies of the production of Animal Collective’s latest album.
The last hipster we spoke with simply dismissed sports as “corporate slavery for the masses” and walked away gripping his iPhone in one hand, a Starbucks cup in the other, and a cigarette dangling from his lips.