So the other day I was taking a nice long relaxing shower after a morning bike ride. Given that it was a Saturday I had all of the time in the world to make sure every nook and cranny of my body gets nice and clean. During the week I tend to sleep too late so my morning showers hit what I refer to as the ‘hot spots.’ While I do my best to give every body part a good scrub, it is the hair, face, underarms, crotch, backside, and feet get most of the attention.
I figured it was a good time to give the entire body a nice good scrub so I broke out the long handled brush to give the back a thorough once over. Using the loofah, I worked up a good lather and made sure that all of the little piggies got a comprehensive cleaning. After everything was nice and tidy and the hot water was still plentiful I decided to give my man parts the nice, soft, tender and ‘relaxing’ attention they deserve. Besides, I was in the shower. No messy clean up needed after the boys are nice and clean.
After a few minutes of ‘washing’ I took a look down just to make sure that the entirety of the area was adequately lathered up. What I saw next…I wasn’t prepared for…
Looking down I saw it. At first I thought that is was just some sort of fuzz that I had perhaps missed but with not one but two solid and thorough ‘cleanings’ there was no way that any foreign object could still be clung to any part of my body especially there. In the initial shock I dropped the loofah and I bent over for closer inspection.
As I bent over my eyes were straining to stay open as the water from the shower kept flowing around my contorted body. After wiping the water away from my eyes I was finally able to get a clear view. There it was staring right back at me. Though my manscaping efforts are fairly routine, it seems that in my last mission of forest clearing I had missed something.
Staring back at me, from my left testicle… a solitary gray hair.
WTF?!? In one fail swoop all of the tension I had washed down the drain during my extended shower was back. Why in the fuck do I have a gray hair on one of my balls?!?
Upon discovery of the chromatically challenged hair I shut off the water so that I could more closely examine the situation. I got out of the shower and I sat down on the edge of my bed. Further inspection revealed that there was only one solitary gray hair populating that sector of my nether region.
I immediately fell back on my bed, curled into the fetal position and I started sobbing. Why? Why? Why? Why me? I mean this is it. I’m done. My mind raced. What can I do now? It is pretty much game over, right? What young lady is going to want to date a dude with gray bush?
After a little while wallowing in my own pity, it hit me. In a flash I got up, got dressed and made a mad dash out the door to hit the local CVS. Surely they would have some sort of product that could help me. Once I arrived I started combing the aisles in search of a magical elixir that could rid me of this inglorious fate.
Despite fearing the worst I searched and searched. Just when I was about to lose all hope about my fate I saw a glimmer of hope. There in aisle six mixed in the with the hair care products were boxes and boxes of a specific men’s hair care product. ‘Just for Men’ gels and lotions designed to alleviate and gradually reduce men’s graying hair. Eureka!
Ah but fate is a cruel mistress. Despite all of the wonders in the ‘Just for Men’ line of products, hair shampoo that will gradually color your grays as well as the special formulated treatment for mustaches and beards, sadly they do not sell ‘Just for Men Scrotum Sack.’
Stay tuned for part 2 – The Manzillian.